Bryan and I deleted our Facebook accounts in June to get away from all the small town drama and since we moved away from our hometown a year ago, we've lost contact with a lot of friends and family. On New Years, we re-joined Facebook to stay in touch with those friends and family. Two of my best friends have had beautiful babies in the last few months, as well as my brother in law, who welcomed another baby boy. Its extremely important to us to see our little loves grow everyday even though we cant be there to witness it all the time.
In between June and January, our lives have been just like a roller coaster. In the beginning of November, I lost my job. I was working in property management and absolutely loved what I did, where I worked, and who I worked with. Living in a small university town, jobs are hard to come by, especially jobs that you truly enjoy. On Thanksgiving Day, Bryan's grandpa passed away. A complete shock to everyone in his family & one of the worst Thanksgiving Days his family has ever had. R.I.P. Grandpa Roger
A couple days after Thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant. I was 4 weeks and 5 days. I never been so excited in my life. I immediately texted my 2 best friends pictures of the pregnancy tests! The only thing I was thinking about was how I was going to tell Bryan. I came up with a super cute way to break the news to him. Anyone that knows Bryan, knows that becoming a father has been one of his biggest dreams for a very long time so I knew when I told him, it had to be perfect & something he'd never forget. I recorded the whole thing & am so HAPPY that I did. It was an emotional video & showed just how great of a day that was for the two of us.
On December 15th, we went to the Doctor for my first appointment. He did an ultrasound and we saw the baby's heartbeat. He measured the baby and let us know we were on track to a perfect, healthy baby that would be due August 3rd. We scheduled another appointment and walked out of the office beaming with joy!
A few days later, my grandma was in the hospital for colon cancer. My grandma is one of the best women that I know. All of us "kids" are extremely close to my grandma. She had surgery to remove 2 tumors(one the size of a baseball) just a day later. She spent the holidays in the hospital recovering. (The best news to come out of this, was she will not have to have chemo or radiation because they caught it in time. She is now back at home still recovering but making tremendous strides in her recovery!)
On December 21st, right before we were going to head to Prescott to spend Christmas with our families, I was feeling under the weather. Thinking that it was just morning sickness, I ignored it and just tried to rest. Little did I know that in just a few hours that night, Bryan and I would lose our baby. As soon as I saw blood, we rushed to the hospital. I was admitted right away. We were there for 4 hours & I had 3 ultrasounds & tons of blood work done. I was moved to an ultrasound room with Bryan. He stood next to the Dr. and watched everything on the monitor. I didn't look at the monitor once, I kept my entire focus on Bryan. I knew exactly what had happened when his face turned red and his eyes filled with tears. The Dr. confirmed what Bryan had seen. Needless to say, we were beyond devastated.
The pain, emotionally, is something I will never forget. I can't even begin to put into words the sadness, disappointment, heartache, and anger we have experienced together. Once we left the hospital, we called our parents & neither of us could even hardly speak on the phone. We spent the next 2 days in bed with each other, heartbroken. We cried for hours and talked about all the dreams we had been planning for our little one. In the 5 and a half years that Ive been with Bryan, I have never seen him so upset. As horrible as a situation it is, I'm so glad that Bryan was the one there for me. He was incredibly supportive of everything & proved once again, that he is an amazing husband to me.
"God will make everything beautiful at the right place, at the right time & for the best reason"
After Christmas, I went back to the Dr. for a check up. I had been in extreme physical pain for over a week now. We did another ultrasound and were told I needed to have a D & C. My D & C was scheduled for the next day, December 30th. Surgery went very well and I am perfectly fine now. The last 2 weeks have been very difficult for us. Knowing that this is all "over" I guess you could say. We went from being overjoyed to absolutely devastated in days. We still have our ultrasound picture, the video I took of Bryan when I told him & the painful memories of everything. But that is all we left from this baby that was going to be ours.
It is has been an incredibly emotional few months for Bryan and I. Through it all, we have each other at our sides and it has brought the two of us closer than ever before. Even though we have lots of negative situations that have happened, we also have positive ones! We are blessed to have a new niece and new nephews, my grandma doing much better & my sister newly engaged.
I'm sorry that this post is such a Debbie Downer but many people have asked what has been going on in our lives and what we have been up to the past few months. I figured this would be the easiest way to tell people a summary of our life. We are beyond blessed to have such wonderful family and close friends here supporting us through everything that comes our way.
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